A Scary Thing From The Blog Stats

Dear person in Plano, Texas who found my blog on a yahoo search for "red heart super saver yarn free long sweater pattern",

I just have to ask you: WHY???
Did the intended recipient do something so horrible to you that you could think of no better revenge than making them wear a long sweater knit from the itchiest, squeakiest, sweatiest, stiffest yarn in the world? Are you a monk and this is to be your modern hairshirt?
Do you have really tough hands? Cause you're gonna need them to knit an entire sweater out of that stuff. Just one hat wore my fingers down.
I really hope you just want the pattern, and that you plan on knitting it with some other yarn. Acrylic is fine...there are some nicer ones out there, just please step away from the Red Heart. You're freaking me out.